Soulmate Struggles
by Stelena-Beautiful
Summary: Claudia and Sonny trying to make it through the darkness, to each other ... A one shot.


**Soulmate Struggles**

_**In this one shot, Claudia never arranged the hit on Michael. He was never shot at all but Clauson did marry to get Anthony off their backs, per canon. This fic is not too OOC I hope. Please lemme know what you think. Thanks.**_

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Claudia knew that she had done a lot wrong in her life. She knew she had, but that didn't stop her from wanting things to be different – totally different. She was human – occasionally she had dreams and ideals but all of them had pretty much been shattered when she lost her baby boy. Her precious baby boy. She had never wanted kids, usually despised the very sight of them, but when she had believed she was going to lose Sonny, she had conceived a way to get pregnant – literally. And had never expected to genuinely love the baby she had carried for nearly seven months.

She loved Sonny too. God knows why but she did. He was shorter than her, gruff, selfish, amoral, and yet all those things she adored about him. They were so fit for each other. But now she worried that she would end up with nothing. Her baby was gone after carrying him in her own body for six and a half months. Her marriage was on the rocks. What did she have left to live for? There was Johnny, of course; she loved him like crazy, but he couldn't replace what she had lost. No one could.

She sat in her hospital bed, so ready to bolt out of this place and go get wasted at the nearest bar, pick up some random, hot stranger and fuck him blind, forget her world had ended this morning at 2:15 a.m. when Dr. Lee pronounced that there was no heartbeat. Of course she had railed at Kelly, said _no way, check again and again until you find his heartbeat, dammit, don't make me give him up!_ But in the end she had known it was over, that he was gone, when the bleeding got very bad and she delivered a stillborn little boy. Holding him in her arms had nearly broken her, his little tiny face all blue and serene. She could have believed that he was sleeping but she knew better. Women like Claudia didn't have babies; they didn't have stability, or healthy relationships. They continually lost everything again and again until there was nothing left to lose and then finally exploded and took down whoever happened to be in the vicinity of their rage.

Right now, she would have given anything to rail on Sonny but he wasn't here. He had gone to his island with "his boys" for the week; said they needed a vacation from the daily grind. Claudia wondered if he thought of the boy she had carried as his own. There were times she almost believed the baby had meant something to him – that_ she_ had meant something to him. Like when he would reach out and pull her to him, just to feel the little mound of flesh of her abdomen, just in the hopes that today his "little soccer player" would start kicking up a storm. That's what Sonny called the little boy they were going to have. His little soccer player and also his _Corazon._ Claudia realized now that this little baby would never grow up to play soccer or go to school or ever have his first kiss or find his soul mate - the one person he was meant to spend his life with. Claudia had never believed in love, especially the whole "fated to be together forever" stuff, until she had hoped that her little boy would have all that love in his life, have the one thing Claudia had never had.

Tears threatened but she held them in as best as she could. Zaccharas did not show weakness, especially in times when they were struggling the most. Weakness was a four-letter-word in her family and she wasn't about to break down now. No, definitely not...

She heard footsteps outside her door and looked up to see _Him_ standing there. Her throat got all choked up as he said, "I came as soon as I heard."

"Who called you?" she finally managed to choke out.

"Your brother," Sonny said, walking over to her bed and reaching for her hand. She pulled it out of his reach, tempted to slap him but reigning in the urge to do so.

"I'm so … sorry. God I don't know what else to say," he lamented.

"You should have been here, you bastard!" Claudia suddenly spat out. "You should have been here to hold my hand while I was miscarrying the baby – our little boy, your little _Corazon,_ in your words – bleeding like it wasn't ever going to stop."

"I know, I know …"

"You walked away when this baby needed you most," Claudia said.

"I'm not going to try and defend my actions, Claudia," Sonny said. "But I am sorry. I thought over everything long and hard while I was away. I'd send the boys down to the beach with their nanny and then I'd just think about all the fucking screw ups in my life …"

"Is that supposed to make me feel better? Am I supposed to absolve you?" Claudia demanded. "I'm seven months pregnant and you decided that now was a good time to take a vacation. You're such a fucking asshole!"

"I know …"

"Oooh, he admits it. Is that the first time in your life you've ever admitted you're a total and complete narcissistic windbag?"

"Probably," Sonny said. "I never was able to admit that I was weak, that I had faults, until it's too late." He paused and then said, "Tell me about him. Did you get to see him? What'd he look like?"

Claudia thought about denying Sonny license to know anything about the baby but couldn't manage to be so cruel. It was almost laughable how weak she felt. Claudia who could bring a grown man twice her size to his knees and now she was a mess of frailties just looking into Sonny's eyes.

"He was … beautiful," she said. "I never really used that word to describe anyone but he was. So precious. Had some dark hair like us. Not a lot, but some. He had dark brown eyes like yours. And he was so small … so small …"

Saying those words, describing her dead baby, finally brought Claudia to her breaking point. For the first time since she was a little child and had seen her father murder her mother in front of her very eyes, she cried. Cried with so much intensity that she was sure she could shake the hospital down around its foundation. Sobbed like she could break the world into pieces for denying her this one thing, her baby, _her happiness._

"Why did this happen?" she wailed. "Why?"

"I don't know," Sonny said, "but I swear we'll work through this together."

And then before she could stop him, he had pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead and rubbed her back and for the first time in her life, she felt safe and protected. No one had ever held her so gently, no one had ever looked sadder to share in her loss, no one had ever looked more remorseful.

She pushed him away. Pushed him away even while she longed inwardly to pull him back, have him hold her and tell her things were going to be alright even if he had to lie through his pearly whites.

"Everything's going to be okay, Claudia," he said. "Whatever comes next, we'll deal with it together. I'm not leaving you. _Ever."_

Claudia shook her head. "When you talk like that, I almost believe you."

"It's true," he said. "I've never been more honest in my life."

"Sonny, this baby is gone. There is no reason to stay together anymore. I don't give a shit what my father does to either of us now. We'll get a divorce …"

"What if I don't want one?" he asked.

"Yeah right. That's all you've wanted from the very beginning of this farce of a marriage."

"I used to want out. I thought I wanted freedom and I didn't want to be with someone who came from a line of people I hated but …" Sonny sighed and reached into his pocket. "Maybe this will change your mind." He held out a small blue velvet box. "Before you say anything, I bought it before I heard about our son. I wanted to make a good life for him. I wanted to make a good life for you. I realized down there that what I have been fighting is my feelings … And that I wanted you."

Claudia snorted. "Oh please. You thought you had an obligation."

"No, I didn't. I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. If I wanted a divorce nothing would have ever stopped me." He opened the little box and extracted the small diamond-encrusted ring. "I want to make it real this time, Claudia, I want to be husband and wife in more than just name only."

"What are you saying?"

"Read the inscription on the band."

Claudia held the ring up the light and read the inscription to herself, then out loud. "'A new start – Claudia and Sonny Corinthos, 2009.'"

"You really bought this before you heard about our son's … death?"

Sonny nodded. "Yeah. I spent the whole time on the island thinking about you. I was headed home anyway when Johnny called. I realized being away from you was a slow and painful end …"

"What are you saying?"

"Claudia, I know I have fought my feelings tooth and nail and I'm not sure how you feel about things yourself, but I realized I was in love with you. And that feeling wasn't going away no matter how much logic told me to ignore it."

Tears poured down her face and to her surprise he leaned forward and kissed every one away. "You really mean all this?" she asked.

"Yes. I love you and that's not going to change. I wanted our son but I want you too. I am not leaving you when you need me – or ever, actually."

"You know something, Sonny?" Claudia said. "A lot of men have told me they loved me or appreciated me but I never believed any of them. Not until now."

"I'm sorry you've been hurt, Claudia," he said. "But we can get through this like we always should have all along – together."

Claudia nodded and suddenly scooted over in the small hospital bed. "Get in," she commanded. "And hold me and don't let go till I say you can."

Sonny smiled. "Now that's the Claudia Corinthos I recognize."

"Claudia _Corinthos,"_ she murmured. She liked the sound of that.

He climbed in beside her and gently wrapped his arm around her. Soon enough they had fallen asleep, spooned together. When friends and family came to visit, they could not believe what they saw – a woman and man who had hated each other for the longest time, locked in a tight embrace, like they would never let go.

And they didn't plan to_, ever._

FINIS.


End file.
